25.

well. i feel like most people would find this the most inappropriate time to write a birthday blog. or any blog for that matter. but i have just said goodbye to my last guests and i felt the need to let the blogging world know how i really feel..

i am so incredibly blessed to have to most wonderful friends a girl could ever ask for. i don't know how i ever got so lucky. how am i so lucky?? for the first time in my entire life, friends dimmed the lights and surprised me with my very own homemade birthday cake topped with candles.. an entire household of friends sang to me, and i blew out the candles completely overwhelmed with feelings of happiness and indescribable wonder.

25 years. quite the marker. i don't know what it means exactly. this past week i spent some time reflecting on what it might mean, and what it might feel like.. and i've made several realizations about growth and maturity.. and i know that one day doesn't necessarily mark an entire change in a person, because really, it is one day past the last day of my 24th year.. but at the same time, i feel like it marks a drastic change in my life.. because the person i've been conspiring to be for some time is coming through, and it's more prominent now than it has ever been.. and maybe the label of 25 is an excuse to really push it through.. one last "hurrah", if you will.

i know what i want. and i'm slowly learning what it takes to get it. and i love all of you for being here with me through the thick and thin.. it means the world. and i certainly wouldn't be the person i am today without every single individual bit and piece of every one of you.

xox.

no big.

i've been looking at life from a fresh new perspective as of late. connections are growing and multiplying and the vast world network continues to shrink. two degrees will soon be the new six..

my visit home was rejuvenating. i've landed a new job, and snagged the sweetest guitar instructor, all in the span of four days.. both of which will be starting for real soon; my talk will finally turn into a walk.

i started knitting a scarf the other day.. my cross-stitching ideas are progressing nicely in my imagination, another project i will gladly indulge in as the temperatures cool. and a thrifting excursion is locked in for thursday; i am hoping to finally get my room furnished and in order.

oh, and when i got home from work today i had a sea salt foot soak with my best girl d.. after she baked our household a fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies.

no big..

12-07.

i was going through some old posts of mine, and i came across this draft that i never got around to posting.. it seems as relevant now as it must have when i wrote it, in december of 2007.

_____________________________

something that has really been on my mind lately is the reality of wanting. how everyone just wants to be wanted. we're a needy bunch. it's all over the media.. television, books, magazines.. relationships, dating, marriage, divorce.. it's everything. we are socialized to want to fit in with the crowd, to be accepted. and a disgusting amount of energy and time is spent attempting to accomplish this; and unfortunately, the majority of the time it's temporary and we are once again left unsatisfied.. left with a bigger void, as the disappointments continue to mount up, and we just keep digging..

we are all missing the point. big time.

i used to see this in myself every day. in conversations with friends or colleagues, i would find myself holding my tongue even though i sometimes disagreed with what they said. or while interacting with acquaintances or strangers alike, i would become preoccupied with the idea of my reputation, and use that as a guide for my actions. whether or not they had preconceptions of me was irrelevant. i purposely never really gave an accurate indication of who i actually was.

and these false impressions were only ever self-restricting. because if the people i was hanging out with liked that person, it wasn't me they liked. and why would anyone ever want to surround themselves with people that wouldn't like them for their true selves.


so here's to getting over it and just being yourself. that alone will make me like you [for you].