so. it's -100000 degrees outside and i just got in the door from work. i have been carless now for three days. i've never realised how difficult it is to get around without a vehicle to get me from point a to point b and back and wherever else i might need to go..

i guess sometimes it's nice to have these reminders, to show just how fortunate i am of everything i have.. to not take so many things for granted.. although, it could've happened say, in the summer time, when i could be even more appreciative of the greens and smells and sounds while i walked everywhere.. these days i would just end up with frostbite and hypothermia. but it also allows me to realise, i actually have friends out there who are willing to go out of their way to help me out. i have managed to get to school and back, and work and back, on other peoples time and money. ..so the moral of the story is: basically, i am never going to have my own car again. all jokes aside though, its really cool for me to see all of this generosity, and i only hope that i can mirror this to others when the opportunity presents itself.

tomorrow is already february. time just flies when you're having fun. and i'm having just that these days. im reading a really interesting book titled "an unquiet mind" by kay jamison. it's her own account of growing up struggling with manic-depression. the writing is beautiful, i can't think of a more appropriate word to describe it.. but her accounts are so detailed and it's really such an intruiging sickness.. the highs are so high that patients generally resist treatment waiting for those rushes, and through that, get sucked into such dark black depressions that many end their lives. it's like a drug. regardless, extremely interesting book that i would recommend to anyone interested in psychology, disorders, or just wanting to broaden their horizons. the almost ironic story actually involves her going through her psychology degree and PhD, hiding and never acknowledging her own sickness, but treating others..

well that's it for my rambling today. this one's a little all over the place. kind of not like my car..

2008 resolution

since i am a renowned procrastinator, i only feel a little bit bad about writing a new years blog on january 22nd.. however, resolutions are tricky because i know that all my limitations and downfalls of 07 are still there, they're not going to disappear just because the year has changed. however i think it's important to question things, and therefore to be continually changing; not just setting oneself up to fall every twelve months with the accumulation of a years worth of goals and failures..

all this being said, i am going to attempt a resolution. i have realised how amazingly flawed i am. (no, this is not the first time i've realised this). but one major thing i've been dealing with right now and for the past while is how i am an extremely terrible communicator. now: anyone who has ever found themselves in a conversation with me ever, knows that i have no problem articulating words at an excruciatingly fast rate. that is not the problem, not even a little. my problem is that i don't know how to ask the right questions. i don't know how to know people. i don't know how to let people know me. maybe i'm just scared of looking like an idiot. but i would rather gain some truth, some honest insight in another human being rather than playing up the "hey hows it goings" and never really getting anywhere. so. i guess this is my resolution: i want to get to know you. i want to go out for coffee and ask questions. i don't want to discuss the weather or what the person walking past was thinking when they got dressed.. i want to know what's going on inside your head, and i want to not be afraid to ask questions. to think a little more before i speak. to ponder things.

the most honest conversations i've had are with strangers. i want to change that.