25.

well. i feel like most people would find this the most inappropriate time to write a birthday blog. or any blog for that matter. but i have just said goodbye to my last guests and i felt the need to let the blogging world know how i really feel..

i am so incredibly blessed to have to most wonderful friends a girl could ever ask for. i don't know how i ever got so lucky. how am i so lucky?? for the first time in my entire life, friends dimmed the lights and surprised me with my very own homemade birthday cake topped with candles.. an entire household of friends sang to me, and i blew out the candles completely overwhelmed with feelings of happiness and indescribable wonder.

25 years. quite the marker. i don't know what it means exactly. this past week i spent some time reflecting on what it might mean, and what it might feel like.. and i've made several realizations about growth and maturity.. and i know that one day doesn't necessarily mark an entire change in a person, because really, it is one day past the last day of my 24th year.. but at the same time, i feel like it marks a drastic change in my life.. because the person i've been conspiring to be for some time is coming through, and it's more prominent now than it has ever been.. and maybe the label of 25 is an excuse to really push it through.. one last "hurrah", if you will.

i know what i want. and i'm slowly learning what it takes to get it. and i love all of you for being here with me through the thick and thin.. it means the world. and i certainly wouldn't be the person i am today without every single individual bit and piece of every one of you.

xox.

no big.

i've been looking at life from a fresh new perspective as of late. connections are growing and multiplying and the vast world network continues to shrink. two degrees will soon be the new six..

my visit home was rejuvenating. i've landed a new job, and snagged the sweetest guitar instructor, all in the span of four days.. both of which will be starting for real soon; my talk will finally turn into a walk.

i started knitting a scarf the other day.. my cross-stitching ideas are progressing nicely in my imagination, another project i will gladly indulge in as the temperatures cool. and a thrifting excursion is locked in for thursday; i am hoping to finally get my room furnished and in order.

oh, and when i got home from work today i had a sea salt foot soak with my best girl d.. after she baked our household a fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies.

no big..

12-07.

i was going through some old posts of mine, and i came across this draft that i never got around to posting.. it seems as relevant now as it must have when i wrote it, in december of 2007.

_____________________________

something that has really been on my mind lately is the reality of wanting. how everyone just wants to be wanted. we're a needy bunch. it's all over the media.. television, books, magazines.. relationships, dating, marriage, divorce.. it's everything. we are socialized to want to fit in with the crowd, to be accepted. and a disgusting amount of energy and time is spent attempting to accomplish this; and unfortunately, the majority of the time it's temporary and we are once again left unsatisfied.. left with a bigger void, as the disappointments continue to mount up, and we just keep digging..

we are all missing the point. big time.

i used to see this in myself every day. in conversations with friends or colleagues, i would find myself holding my tongue even though i sometimes disagreed with what they said. or while interacting with acquaintances or strangers alike, i would become preoccupied with the idea of my reputation, and use that as a guide for my actions. whether or not they had preconceptions of me was irrelevant. i purposely never really gave an accurate indication of who i actually was.

and these false impressions were only ever self-restricting. because if the people i was hanging out with liked that person, it wasn't me they liked. and why would anyone ever want to surround themselves with people that wouldn't like them for their true selves.


so here's to getting over it and just being yourself. that alone will make me like you [for you].

window watching.

i've been sitting in front of the window. it's cloudy outside, and i've been watching the trains come and go from the station; imagining all the people travelling in and out, interacting and acting out their lives. it's really quite interesting to have a God's eye view of all the little humans and how they affect and effect each other.

things have been continuing to progress here in van.. meeting lots of people, working.. the house is slowly starting to feel like a home.. not mine exactly yet.. but it's somebody's, and i'm in it.

things are changing. too fast for my liking or sanity. i feel momentarily stabilized and like i'm finding my footing in this city, and then just as quickly the rug is pulled out from under me and i'm free falling in self-doubt and uncertainty. i'm not exactly sure what my next move is going to be but there are several decisions very pertinent to my happiness that i'm going to have to deal with in the next few weeks. it's like a quarter-life crisis. good thing my best friend is showing up in the next few weeks.. and that mom promised she would call me soon.

lala land.

my first week as a registered vancouverite has been rad. the 18 hour drive was spent with andy shauf and the audio recording of 'great gatsby'.. we rolled into van just in time to catch the wonderful julia and her piano playing at a little african restaurant downtown. my zombie state was on the verge of breakdown when i coerced katie back to her home in the north..

saturday we had a much needed sleep in and spent the afternoon lounging on the patio with coffees and stories. that evening was julia's going away party hosted by the fabulous molly.

sunday was spent hanging at the pop up cooperative with kate and the new west mta mgk crew. we were out to dinner that eve at the twisted fork with the lovely chef pete.

monday had me chauffeured around the city by the darling robb m. we got sushi, coffees, and gelati then hung out in crab park before my rio experience concluded the harry potter saga.

camping out at cultus lake on tuesday night with gordie and some select sasquatch 11 crew members after scoping the city out on foot with danelle and anna.. nesting and napping the day away on the beach before heading back into town wednesday eve.

thursday was the pop up shops final event; it included an intense four-square match and drink specials.

friday molly and i shared our first date marking a very important friendship.. we went to johnny's show then over to watch black wizard kill it.. then to gastown and over to riley's bachelor pad.

saturday morning we breakfasted at the red wagon and that evening brought us back to riley's apartment on the tenth floor with an epic view of the craziest fireworks i have ever seen in my entire life.

sunday was the official last day of the pop up coop. anna, kate and i ended up at the biltmore for the burlesque show ending off pride weekend.. lots of feathers and fun. a dance party to end all dance parties ensued and we sat in a park until the wee hours of morning. with the shadowy outlines of mountains on the horizon, we headed home.

long weekend yesterday, spent the afternoon on third beach soaking in some rays. tonight we're painting the new house. i cannot wait for it to be complete and therefore ours.. definitely ready to be done living out of a bag and in strangers beds (kidding). but real life needs to begin because i'm getting further and further into lala land..

life of mel.

okay blogging world. i'm back. for the rare handful of you that actually sometimes check this thing.. this is for you.

the life of mel: my summer has been jam packed. it's been fabulous. from the bahamas i flew back to a chilly, wet, prairie spring.. spent the weekend with my family in the queen city, then drove back to the farm for a couple days of psychological retreat.. then back to the airport and out to vancouver for a couple weeks of solid hangs, old friends, new friends.. sasquatch music festival in washington.. calgary for christine's birthday.. back to regina.. back to the farm.. back to calgary for sled island music festival.. and once again, my parent's utopia, the farm. in a few days i will meet up with the sibs and fly out to prince edward island where we will meet the rents and enjoy a week of relaxation. the first time in seemingly forever that we have got the entire family together and gone on vacation. i am quite excited for the maritimes experience.

from the east coast, i come home once again for a few short days, then it's back to the queen city to say my goodbyes to friends, fam, and the 3308. on the 22nd of july i am officially making the move west. i currently have no home, i am unemployed, and i don't have much going for me.. but i would be lying if i said i wasn't the happiest girl in the world.

woe is me.

on thursday i was picked up at the dock and we motored over to royal island.. about a year ago there were huge plans for an 'elite' development on the otherwise deserted island - very posh posh, with a golf course etc. the land was cleared.. building was under way.. and they ran out of funds. and that's it. millions of dollars lost in translation.. so david and i went and explored the bad investments. afterwards it was back to bette's dock for an afternoon of swimming and lazing with a book.

friday morning bette and i were off in the boat taxi to eleuthra where we caught our cramped, 10 passenger plane over to abaco.. flying over the islands, the swirls of blues and greens.. the clouds so fluffy they looked like frothed cottonballs suspended by invisible thread.. a wonderful relaxing weekend with diane and charlotte in sandy bay ensued.. there was some competitive "bananagrams" (scrabble lovers - if you don't know, now you know.) lots of wine and lots of laughs.. di and charlotte have an amazing assortment of whale bones.. a complete dolphin skeleton suspended from the ceiling.. and fabulous tales of expeditions and adventures.. they are quite the pair, and that is quite an understatement.

monday morning we were picked up by mike.. literally - he swooped in and we were flown back to eleuthra on his private plane.. it was so clear i could make out a few wrecks that looked like flattened toys, cardboard pieces dispersed among the reefs.. arriving, i hadn't even got out of the seat and our baggage was on a cart and half way into the airport.. then into the van and onto the boat taxi.. i didn't have to lift a finger! and have since decided that i will go nowhere without bette at my side. the lady knows how to travel.

the next day i got a call from david and off we went for another day of sailing.. the wind was much stronger than the first day and we really got speed.. stopping at a deserted island to swim and explore, then getting back on and out to open waters.. remembering once we were out that we had neglected to drain the floats while we were ashore.. and then noticing as the bow began slicing dangerously low in the water.. the wind still strong, we tacked several times trying to get into a sandy point when our saviour john appeared.. firstly telling us that the point we were attempting was not in fact sandy, it was quite rocky, and a friend of his had made the same mistake and almost holed his boat up on the rocks.. then guiding us to the harbor where we strategically banked and got the water out. the entire ordeal was more amusing than anything, i must assure you.. but only because the water we were in was relatively shallow..

yesterday david and i took the bohengy over to harbor island.. we met up with his friend rosie who gave us the use of her golf cart for the day to zip around the hilly island.. we found what was left of this old mansion that a man had built for his wife, who upon seeing the finished product, did not like.. and so it was abandoned. right then and there.. they didn't sell it, they didn't do anything with it.. it just sat. now the bare walls remain.. the paint faded by the sun.. the roof long gone.. stripped of it's dignity. [his wife was a brat.] we lunched on the patio of coral sands with a scenic view of the ocean and pink sand.. the sun was shining and it was a dark and stormy day.. (of course, i'm talking about the drink with rum and gingerbeer..) and so we intentionally missed our bohengy back to spanish wells and instead spent the afternoon hopping around to the different marinas and watering holes.. later taking the boat taxi to north eleuthra and hitching our way across the island and down to the dock where we somehow showed up exactly when a boat did.. turns out it was the last taxi of the night.. by perfect timing, and sheer luck, i slept in my bed instead of on the dock..

and today we are going out snorkelling.. it's a tad windy but i'm undetered. tomorrow is my last full day so i feel it my duty. i am taking full advantage of my opportunities moreso for my family and friends up in the snow than for myself.. it's a selfless sort of thing. i'm quite the martyr really..