12-07.

i was going through some old posts of mine, and i came across this draft that i never got around to posting.. it seems as relevant now as it must have when i wrote it, in december of 2007.

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something that has really been on my mind lately is the reality of wanting. how everyone just wants to be wanted. we're a needy bunch. it's all over the media.. television, books, magazines.. relationships, dating, marriage, divorce.. it's everything. we are socialized to want to fit in with the crowd, to be accepted. and a disgusting amount of energy and time is spent attempting to accomplish this; and unfortunately, the majority of the time it's temporary and we are once again left unsatisfied.. left with a bigger void, as the disappointments continue to mount up, and we just keep digging..

we are all missing the point. big time.

i used to see this in myself every day. in conversations with friends or colleagues, i would find myself holding my tongue even though i sometimes disagreed with what they said. or while interacting with acquaintances or strangers alike, i would become preoccupied with the idea of my reputation, and use that as a guide for my actions. whether or not they had preconceptions of me was irrelevant. i purposely never really gave an accurate indication of who i actually was.

and these false impressions were only ever self-restricting. because if the people i was hanging out with liked that person, it wasn't me they liked. and why would anyone ever want to surround themselves with people that wouldn't like them for their true selves.


so here's to getting over it and just being yourself. that alone will make me like you [for you].